D3 body, D1 cock
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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