The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
