apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize