so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
