And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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