Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize