Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
