Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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