At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
