yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
