When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's official drugs can't kill me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
