Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
