Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
