I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
