I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
