I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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