I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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