I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
