I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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