just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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