i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
