theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
