My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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