Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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