Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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