a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
