and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
