I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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