tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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