Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
