I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
