I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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