now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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