Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
