i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
