too bad you live with your parents still
I think my fart just growled at me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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