I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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