I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
