you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
