You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
