i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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