she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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