wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
