I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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