New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
