On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
