So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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