Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
