ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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