So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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