just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
