I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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