wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
