I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
