In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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