What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
