Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
