And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
