She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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