So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
