Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
