my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
