No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
