currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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