If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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