Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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