I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize