My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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