Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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