I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
