i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
