The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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