I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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