is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
