Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
