At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
