you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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