And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
