Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
BRING THE BAGELS
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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