Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
