haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
