i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
