final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
