You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
