At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize