We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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