this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
