Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
