in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
