my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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