All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
