im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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