oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it's great music for shaving your balls
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
