I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
