if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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