I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
