why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize