Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize