Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
