my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
